Mar 28, 2010


I read an article in The Lavender Lens, (a San Diego lesbian oriented magazine) that dealt with the lesbian relationship cycle. It's advice in breaking that cycle was to become part of a multi-person relationship.

I read this article over a month ago and am just now finding a fraction of the words I want to say. I am for this idea, I am against this idea. My own personal beliefs and my wish for mainstream society to accept LGBT relationships are at war with each other and themselves. This idea of a relationship is tearing me apart, mostly because it makes me question my foundational beliefs.

Do I want to get married? Am I a monogamous person? Can I love more than one person at a time? There are so many aspects of a multi-partner relationship that I can really see myself fitting into. Economically, it's a fabulous idea. However, mainstream American society has not been very accepting of multi-person relationships in the past.

(Can I just jump in here with how I'm reluctant to use the word threesome? It seems so sexual when I'm actually talking about a full relationship, more than just for sexual gratification. Does anyone have a better word for this?)

One of my biggest fears? I'm worried that by moving toward multi-partnerships, gay marriage would lose ground and be dismissed entirely. For those who are monogamous, a majority shift to multi-person relationships could ruin their chances of the happy marriage that they have always wanted.

I also have felt disgust for polygyny (the relationship consisting of one husband for multiple wives) in the past. While hopefully a multi-partner relationship in the queer community would promote equality among the parties involved, I worry that a weaker partner could feel exploited. Then there is jealousy, who loves who more, time spent together and apart.

I know I have felt extreme love for more than one person at a time before, but can a relationship with more than two parties really last? Would I want it to last? Do I believe in being in a relationship that would span the majority of my lifetime, or do I wish to experience a series of meaningful relationships with many different people?

The Lavender Lens proposed a model where each person in the relationship has their own bedroom in the house. It is a sanctuary. Permission would be asked to enter a room or engage in sexual activity. This part of the model makes me feel safe. Safe because I would have control over what sexual situations I want to participate and when. If one person is better at handling me while I'm emotional, I could go to her for comfort and cuddling. If I'm in a particular mood and crave a specific kind of sex, I could go to another person for that. If I wanted multiple partners, or for all of us to be together, I could request that they come into my room. They can say no, I can say no; everything is within our own personal control. I love the idea of that.

Expect more pros and cons as I mentally think this through, day after day.

To be continued...

Here is a link to Part 2.

Mar 26, 2010


It's been a month since my last post. A post about dreams. A last ditch effort to try to keep myself going, to keep writing, to keep track of what I was doing. However, I wasn't doing much. It's hard to write about new experiences when you're not putting yourself into new opportunities or situations. I think I needed time to go out and live a little.

I went to a Tegan and Sara concert and realized that I looked like a completely different person than I was two years ago. The person I am now looks ridiculous (not to say that the older me didn't look ridiculous either because I was trying to be bottle blond and that was a disaster). Anyway, the point is that I generally look ridiculous, but I usually look ridiculous and like myself. Now I look ridiculous and like a stranger. So, obviously, that's got to stop.

Secondly, I am forgetting things left and right. I forgot two of my niece's birthdays in one week! I forgot that I had a paper due, I forgot I had class, I forgot that I was supposed to go to the doctor, etc. I started watching Bones, the TV show, and basically held myself hostage trying to watch 4 seasons in the shortest amount of time possible. I got through one and half before I realized that I was beginning to look peaky and needed some sunlight. I took up yoga and tai chi chuan again, which is already helping me to gain back a lot of the flexibility I had as a dancer.

I went to Disneyland and pretended it was my birthday :)

I read a new book.

I met new people.

A friend of a friend was telling a story that he found highly engaging whilst I got distracted by a gorgeous girl walking by. After he asked me what I was looking at and I responded with "She's super hot," the poor boy (who has been surrounded by his church group his whole life) went red, stuttered, laughed, and tried to jump back into his story several times over before he gave up and excused himself. I laughed.

Now, I'm posting again. I think this means that I have finally experienced something again. But I'm not making any promises.