Mr. Sexsmith wrote a post which got me thinking, and alphafemme wrote a response that moved something inside of me. She mentioned CoDa. It's a funny name, and I didn't know it existed. Co-Dependent. Which, I think it's safe to say that I'm not really a co-dependent, but I do have a few CoDa tendencies and habits that I think I need to break.
I do the gesture thing a lot. I buy my friends dinner, I bought all the pots and pans for my last house instead of letting all the roommates pitch in. I stay in harmful relationships too long, take sex instead of love, use sex to gain approval, believe others incapable of taking care of themselves. I take on all the responsibility in a situation and then collapse under it's weight. Over this last week, I've seen exactly where I get this behavior from, and that is my mother. She is definitely a Co-dependent, and she needs help.
Here's where I get lost. Is it the CoDa in me that wants to take on the weight of getting her some help, or is it the daughter in me? When does being a loving, caring person cross over into the unhealthy danger zone of CoDa? How am I supposed to recognize when those boundaries are crossed?
Nothing on the love-life at the moment; still sorting out all my thoughts. Also nothing on the road trip so far, as, well, maybe just because I'm lazy with that one :P
On the flip side, Happy New Year!
Oh this is a hard one! I think the boundaries are being crossed when the situation is having a negative effect on you. Ultimately, you have to make yourself and your own well being the priority. Difficult lesson to learn, I know.
ReplyDelete