Feb 22, 2010


I have always been most attracted to people who are older than me. The first woman was 4 years older than me, and the next was 5, the next 7, the next 7, the next 8...Do you see a pattern here?

I am wondering if it is because there is something missing in my age group. It is so hard to find decent women who aren't 5-15 years older than I am. Most of my generation is rude. Most people my age grew up to be disrespectful, impolite, without manners or rudimentary etiquette. Maybe this is part of the reason why I go for women at the extreme ends of the butch/femme spectrum, because they have a beautiful set of mannerisms and behaviors that endears me to them.

With the butch and femme women that I have encountered, there has been self study into their identities. They are intelligent, there's a thirst for good conversation and enlightenment. I can't imagine going out with any of the people I have met and seeing them yell at the waiter or stiff a tip. They have respect for each individual. They are polite. They hold doors or say thank you when someone holds the door for them. That simple thank you is what endears me to a person, and the lack of that simple phrase will make me end a relationship.

The queer girls my age are mean, angry, and bitter. They enjoy protesting and yelling at people who don't understand us. But yelling doesn't help them to understand us. I want to be with someone who respectfully talks to the religious, the traditional about who we are. There are some people who have never encountered an LGBT individual. Bitching that person out isn't going to make them like us or want to treat us like equal citizens. That's not the way to go about it.

So I date the people who were either raised with better manners, or have gotten past the rebel stage in their life. I date the people who help me pass out cookies around the block and chat with the neighbors about the flowers.

Just to clarify: I think age is just a number. It just occurred to me why I date older women than myself, so I wrote about it. I also know that there are exceptions to all of this, I am just generalizing.

P.S. Just wait till I get to why I (for the most part) don't date girls younger than myself, though there are plenty who want to. That post should be a real treat.


  1. I agree with you to the extent that older women are definitely more mature, and it's nice to be with someone who is all there mentally, no drama, no fuss. My girlfriend is 5 years older than me and it works really well for us. However i know a number of women her age or older who are incredibly immature for their age. At the same time I also know younger girls who are incredibly mature for their age. Life experience has a lot to do with it, though i think luck with the women you meet has a lot to do with it too lol!

  2. The phrase "butch/femme women" is rather puzzling since "butch/femme" is not an *individual* gender or sexuality. Perhaps you mean women who are part of the butch/femme community?

    Just a friendly suggestion from a femme of a certain age ;)

  3. Thank you for commenting! I was trying to say butch and femme, but particularly the butch and femme women who strongly identify as such. Does that make sense?

    I tried to make a few corrections, would you mind re-reading the post to let me know if there is another way I can word it? I don't want to sound ignorant or insulting, and occasionally I put my foot in my mouth and sound like both :(

  4. My 1st gf was my age, she was mature. My last was 4 years older...Very Mature. However that was because she was forced to grow up fast because of her troubled past.
    I agree with Newbo though.
    Kara XO