Musical Expression

I thrive on confrontation, but only with people I see often and know well. People who meet me tend to come away from our interaction thinking that I’m sweet, quiet, agreeable, and kind. I’m a shoo-in with families and old people. When I was 14, I dated a very Jewish boy whose overprotective mother didn’t want to meet me. One lunch later and she wanted us to get married and have tons of cashew babies.

I like when people like me (kill them with kindness), which is why I tend to present myself as vague and agreeable upon first meeting. It's why I don't tell people I'm gay right away. My point here? People are shocked when they find out that the sweet, quiet girl loves to listen to rock music. I like all sorts, but I stumbled onto rock a few years ago and was so struck by the “I'm going to say what I want to say and I don't care if you like it or not” attitude. Lately I've been listening to more and more rock, and maybe it's because I'm clamming up so much in daily life.

We’ll take Aranda’s Satisfied for example; this guy is talking about his bitchy ex and the main lyric is “I never wanna see you smile, and I never wanna see you satisfied. Are you satisfied?” I could never say this. I thought something like this for 30 seconds before I took it back because I know Karma would strike me down, and because generally I want people to be happy. But for a band to lay it all out there - that takes guts.

Rise Against has been stuck in my head for weeks on repeat, and if you've never heard of them, you should take a listen because they're very catchy. Savior just makes me want to dance and sing and create a mosh pit in my shower. Except that I don't really want a mosh pit in my shower and I don't want to be naked and have strangers slamming their bodies into me. I'm determined to see a strong, badass, female vocal and guitar cover of Rise Against on youtube, so I'm buckling down and learning the chord progressions.

But this one. This one just breaks my heart. Gaza and Israel's conflict is all over the news. I understand war, even if I don't like it. I come from a military family, watched my little brother enter the Marines, see the family troops band together to create, but have heard my dad's horror stories from Vietnam. Rise Against are brilliant songwriters and musicians. Listen to it all the way through, or look up the lyrics.

And then listen to this and remember that a song can make you want to dance and also have a theme and great lyrics. That sometimes music can say everything you want to say but trap inside.