Courtesy of notjustafemme I learned about the 30 Day Letter Challenge about ten minutes ago, and decided to jump right on it. As I can't afford therapy right now, I think maybe this will be a nice substitute. I'm never going to send these letters, but I'm going to post them here and get out everything I need to say, and hopefully discover something new about myself as I do so.
You and I haven't known each other for very long, four years, and most of that just as acquaintances. It has only been the last two years that we have really gotten close begun to love each other. We are so alike: low maintenance, funny, a little geeky, a history with Wicca, and a love for Disney.
I don't think I have ever thanked you for being the one friend who was there with me when first:girl turned my world upside down and was totally okay with it. I never had to tell you I was gay, and you never tried to talk me out of it. You just asked, "You love her? Okay, then." You were there all of the times that I was selfish and wanted someone to listen to me bitch. Just in the last few months, I have gotten the chance to be there for you, and I hope I have been a good listener.
I love that you called this morning because you needed someone to talk to, and I was that person. But I have a secret. I think that you need to dump your boyfriend. I would never actually tell you that because I know you love him so much. I have never encouraged you to dump him, or said anything bad about him, to you or anyone else. It is entirely your business. But ever since that night that he got drunk in a public place and made you bawl your eyes out for three hours by being a belligerent asshole, I just feel like you deserve so much more.
I love that you have an innocence about you, that you believe you can do anything, make any dream come true, no matter how unrealistic. That quality is infectious. Ever since we started talking about forming a band, I've been struck with the inspiration that, even though we are starting late in the game, maybe we could do it. Maybe we could make it. Not big, not famous, but enough to make it a full time job. You inspire that hope in me. In everyone you touch.
You don't realize how beautiful you are, or how everyone wants to be your friend. You still think of yourself as the geeky girl from high school who plays computer games and isn't cool. But you are, D. You are so wonderful, and part of me wishes you could see it, but the other (smaller) part worries that if you did, you wouldn't be friends with me.
You are the most unselfish, most accepting, least shallow person I know. I don't know what I would do without you and I don't want to find out. Even though we now live hundreds of miles apart, I know we can go a month without speaking and still be each others' lifeline. You're my best friend and I love you dearly for that.