Gross Feelings

Premium fireworks view: armchair, footstool and music!

Gross! What are all these maternal feelings? Disneyland was a blast, of course, with my brother, his wife, and their 3 children- 12, 5, and 2.

My niece is very theatrical and loves to sing, hum, whistle, dance- you name it, she does it. It's very entertaining in line. We stood in line for a ride and an older boy (somewhere between 17-24) started to talk with her, flirt with her. She's almost as tall as me, and as it was nearing the end of the night, she had put her Minnie Mouse ears in my hair, making her look older than she seemed before, more like a teenager. He was downright creepy in his advances and it didn't stop once he learned she was 12, and finally we all stopped in line to do one thing or another and pushed her to the head of our group, effectively cutting off their communication.  The Minnie Mouse ears went back in immediately.

My older nephew is a crack up! He's in love with Princess Leia and likes to make everyone laugh because that means fun is being had. My younger nephew? He took to me like Sam took to green eggs and ham. I'm not sure if he remembered me from this past summer of if I remind him of his mom and dad, but he would not let go. My arms are sore from dancing with him and carrying him around the park. He shares my fascination for the stars and started break dancing (spinning on his head and all) at the Mad T Party at California Adventure.

I think my nephew would have more fun in a club than teenagers and 20-somethings

The 5yo. He likes to wear his hat backward :)

I work with kids constantly, and I love what I do, but I don't ever feel this tugging in the pit of my stomach. Maybe because most kids whine all the time, maybe because those kids view me in a workplace environment/relationship, maybe because my brother's kids look like little carbon copies of me- but there it was. That little knife twist as I held my five year old nephew in the last ten minutes of the hour line. As he brushed my hair out of my face so gently and said "There you go!" like he knew it had been bugging me - kissed my cheek, grinned like a devil, and then pulled it back out from both sides and over my eyes like a blindfold and yelled "Can you see me now?!" and started cracking up like I couldn't feel him in my arms.

It was there as I held him in the crowded square, with the fake snow falling around us, the last sparks of fireworks fading into the dark sky. It was there as he caught a fake flake and tapped it on my nose, in the awe of his smile, the gleam in his eye, the shared laughter between us and his sister. 

Post snow  - Merry Christmas from Disneyland!

There is a piece of my life that I may or may not ever get - watching the fireworks and laughing with my wife and child, the awe of raising such a gorgeous creature together and shaping him or her to be a playful, compassionate individual. Of course, I am twenty *mumblewumble* years old, so I have plenty of time before this ever becomes a problem, and having or not having kids is not a deal breaker for me. It was just a moment, an exquisite moment, bonding with a loving, awed boy over a shared experience, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Day 4 Redux Siblings

30 Day Letter Challenge

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
I've got a lot of siblings, but I'm just going to write two letters because these are on my mind right now.

Dear Sister #1, (This is the sister side-story I mentioned in Vanity)

Every time you get pregnant, I start to wonder if you're a little insane, again. You're the most wonderful, happy, loving, gorgeous person I know, and so is your husband, but you have so many kids. I think having that many kids would drive me nuts. When do you sleep? When do you eat? How can you afford food for everyone?

And then I spend time with everyone and I can't imagine your family without a single one of your children. They're all so unique, each bring a different perspective to the table, and I love each and every one of them. I can only imagine what this one is going to be like. But, seriously, now. Nine kids? That's a lot. Just hold off a minute and seriously think things over before you go for ten, okay? I'm not getting any younger and would like to be the "cool auntie" for all your kids. If you keep going, your youngest ones are going to think I'm old and weird.

Lovingly,

Your Little Sister

Ladybug,

It's been five weeks since I've heard from you. Grams let me know you were okay three weeks ago, but it's not the same.  I worry about you all the time. Everywhere I look, there is someone who looks like you, or there's a Marines logo, or a "Support our Troops" bumper sticker. I want to rip them all down, because each time I see them I worry about you more.

When you were still in training, I could wear all my USMC gear with pride. It was as if by branding myself with it I could still feel you in the passenger seat, arguing about the awful music you like to listen to while we drive down the highway. But now you're not in training, and I see all these kids on the street- 17, 18, 19, 20, and my god, you're so young. Now I can hardly look at any of it without wishing I could work up the courage to write you a letter or pick up the phone and try to reach you.

I get that you've been trained well, I know that you know your way around a gun better than half the guys you're with, but you'll always be that little boy who tried to fight me and lost, every time. You'll always be the kid who ate chicken nuggets with ketchup, who couldn't handle a cold pool, who got locked in the walk in refrigerator every week and loved to dismantle lawn mowers in his spare time.

You're always going to be that kid, no matter what you do, or what rank you earn, or if you become a national hero. You're always going to be my little brother, for better or worse.

Love you- hope you're alright.

Your Big Sis

Babies/Schooling

My sister had her seventh baby yesterday, which means that the past couple days I have been taking care of the other six while her and her husband were at the hospital. This has been an ongoing thing since she was pregnant with her second child, and it gives me a chance to bond with each little one while the parents are away.

This time was no exception. The youngest girl is adorable, and at only 2 years old she was the sweetest thing! (She also prefers to eat vegetables over both meat and candy, which I find fascinating!) I had a great time with all the kids, but am happy to come home and get some rest. However, this trip in particular opened my eyes to a lot of things:

1. I don't want to have loads of kids. And it's going to take a specific kind of partner to make me want to have kids at all.

2. My butt is way bigger than it looks in the mirror. My niece was videotaping and she panned past me just over my butt and I was not very happy about it.

3. Kids come up with the funniest phrases to not say bad words! As we were driving, a bunch of teenaged boys j-walked in front of us and so I said "stupid boys", but my niece blurted afterward "Stupid Apples!" which, of course, sounds like "stupid assholes".

4. New babies are adorable, but they only stay little for a few days. And then they get bigger. And eventually, you're going to have 7 teenagers and then life is not so fun.

5. Disney/Pixar movies are made for adults. It was my second time watching Up! (which still makes me cry; especially the musical montage near the beginning which astounds me with how much pictures and music can really stir up emotions in a person), and my first time seeing Wall-e which has a lot of political undertones and a lot of really beautiful things about love.

It also made me realize how much I really need to go back to school. I'm not going to be happy with any job I can get with a certificate from trade school. I need my BA. So, back to school it is.