Dec 22, 2009


I decided to write a separate post for this, because whilst the other one is somewhat whiny, this is about discovery, and the need to separate those two topics is bred deep within me.

Sinclair posted about the homework which she gives to Kristen, which in turn sparked Alphafemme's different kind of homework (which I think is truly brilliant).

I decided to jump on the bandwagon and discover what I feel most comfortable with about my sexuality. I feel like the only way I will ever grow and discover what I like is to push myself. This week's topics were femininity and self appreciation. I was walking around my room undressing to put on pajamas, when I caught a glimpse of myself in my full length mirror. The light on my nightstand was on, and it cast shadows across my body that hypnotized me and stopped me where I stood.

I've never been very proud of my body, never loved it for what it is, but just then I was enamored. I was caught up in the curve of my hips, the slope of my breasts, the shape of my tummy, the length of my legs, the strength of my calves. For the first time I felt how soft my skin was, felt the thickness of my hair, the silkiness of my neck, the satin feel of my shoulder blades.

I realized how perfectly my ass is shaped, how my ankles invite the brush of a finger, how the dimples in the small of my back invoke happiness and sweet memories, how the curve of my back begs to be cupped, how my spine is slightly crooked and juts out from my skin like a message in braille, showing the reader a map of my body. I noticed my jawline, the softness of my figure, the way my nipples respond to touch and how hard my stomach muscles are underneath all the cushion.

For the first time, I drank myself in in the half light, excited by what I saw, delighted in who I was and what I looked like.

This sparked in me the need to take care of myself. The need to pamper myself and rejoice in the beauty of my own body. It was enough to bring out the coconut butter that I used to adore, enough to make sure I used lotion under my makeup and put on an extra coat of mascara. From this spark and the aforementioned posts about homework, I decided to assign some for myself.

I wanted to be high femme for a week. I spent half an hour curling my hair every day. I bought new lipstick, eyeliner, mascara, and used them religiously. I wore earrings again, and a necklace that spoke to me with simple elegance and quiet beauty. I wore high heels and dresses, and everything matched. I brought coats out of hiding and coordinated them with my outfits. I wore underwear that made me feel sexy, and I didn't wear bras, which also made me feel sexy.

While it did take up more time in my morning routine, I rather enjoy the feeling of primping for myself. Of feeling sexy for myself.

While I won't go into detail for fear of revealing way more that you wanted to know, I finally had an orgasm. Talk about being excited about the prospect of sex all over again. Now that I know that I can at least give myself one, the possibilities of sex are now even more appealing than they used to be. It may not become a common occurrence, but to know that at least I can, at least I won't go my whole life without one, it's kind of a relief. I don't expect it to happen again anytime soon's to hoping, yeah?

I feel like maybe I need to push myself to the butch extreme to figure out what I like about each and find a happy balance, but I'm enjoying the femme side so much that I don't want to let it go yet, even though I know I don't want to keep it up forever.

What are other ways I can push myself in this area? What do you consider as feminine qualities that I should experience?


  1. "While I won't go into detail for fear of revealing way more that you wanted to know"

    I want to know!!!!!! :D

    How you spent your "Femme for a Week"....sounds like my daily routine LOL

    Something else I like to do is a good main/pedi. Feels so nice :) Plus I take care of my feet like crazy. Always need to make sure they look good in my heels LOL Especially if I have on Sandals or something that shows a lot of my foot :)

    Kara XO

    1. You're never gonna know. As much as I can talk about sex, write about sex in stories, I can't for the life of me write it while applying it to myself.

      I couldn't handle that as a daily routine! It takes out so much time from the day! I just try to take great care of my skin and hair so that I can get away with hopping out of the shower and not doing much. Mascara is a must, though. I am barefoot 90% of the time. I live in California, so it's to be expected, but my feet always look pretty good. Sand is a natural exfoliant ;)

  2. It's funny....I'll admit writing isn't always easy for me. That's why I went to school to be a News Reporter...someone else does the writing for me and I just have to read it LOL
    However one area I have no issues writing about is sex. My very first blog use to be VERY detailed. Than I eased back because I had a lot of (not sex blogging) friends/followers and didn't want them to think I was strictly a sex blog. That's part of the reason I have the 2 blogs now. One I keep light and just write about my everyday life. My Dating blog on the other hand....that will have a good amount of "naughty" talk ;)
    For some reason detailing my more intimate encounters just comes easy to me.

    As for getting ready....I've been that way since High School. I LOVE dressing up. Yes, it does take time but I enjoy it :)
    I live in MA so the only time I'm barefoot is when the weather is warmer. This time of year I usually wear ankle socks around the house and if I go out always have on tights or nylons.